Letters from Louisville - I'm going to get in trouble with this one!

Many read and resentented the recent release of a letter from Louisville – well what did you expect them to say?

Just having a little fun with imagining what a totally honest letter from the Clerk and Mrs. Valentine might look like:


As you may or may not be aware of; because your pastor either tells you or buries the news, representatives of at least 140 congregations will be gathering in Orlando this week. They will be gathering to consider a proposal that declares the denomination to be in a state of theological disarray. Although we would like to say these people are a bunch of loonies, they represent some of our largest congregations, brightest minds, fastest growing churches, and even many members of local and national elective bodies.

They have not accepted the belief that nothing changed at the 217th General Assembly. Somehow despite all our threats of legal consequences, all our letters regarding everything being the same, despite the polity musings that even lawyers have trouble reading , they persist in the belief that the Authoritative Interpretation handed down by the General Assembly in fact did something.

Of course we think they are crazy for figuring out that we intended to break the stalemate in the denomination by running off the last of the so called evangelicals. We think they are mean spirited for pointing out that our plan has been to allow the liberal presbyteries to do as they please and that we will allow the conservatives to do as they please for now. We are shocked and dismayed that after only 30 years of warning us not to take the action of throwing aside fidelity and chastity as a standard for ordination that these congregations would have the temerity to actually do what they have threatened. We are dismayed that they might actually live out their convictions.

Shame on them, after all their parents may have taught them these things and they may be third generation members of their local church but they don’t have any right to that church property. Sure you were baptized, buried, and your children married in that building, and sure you’ve given 10% of your income for 70 years to the maintenance of that property – but it is ours!

Yes it is true our denomination is being unraveled around us. We really don’t think it is that significant. After all we have lost over 40% of our membership in the last 40 years what is a mere 1% more this year (not counting the 80,000 that will just disappear). Of course this will have a deep impact upon our budget and might interfere with our agenda but we will figure out something – we can always lay off more missionaries, sell the property we seize, and sue all these so called evangelicals.

So please send your per capita soon we will need it to pay the lawyers!


Isn't Mrs. Valentine a Lawyer?